The numbers: what the study actually found

In September 2026, Match released the 15th edition of its annual Singles in America study, conducted with researchers at the Kinsey Institute of Indiana University. About 5,000 U.S. singles answered 120 questions between March and April 2026 — making it the longest-running and most comprehensive annual survey of American single adults.

The headline finding landed quietly but decisively: when forced to choose what matters more, 34% of singles chose peace and emotional safety, versus just 14% who chose passion and excitement — more than two to one. Among women, the margin was even wider: 40% chose peace and emotional safety, compared with 9% choosing passion and excitement.

This wasn't a fringe preference layered on top of old habits. Around 72% of respondents said they're interested in or open to dating or a relationship, and 76% believe romantic love can last forever. People haven't given up on romance — they've redefined what good romance feels like. As Match's chief marketing officer put it, intention is the new romance: singles are more deliberate than ever about where they invest their time and emotions.

Why calm is winning

A trend doesn't swing two-to-one without a backstory. A few forces converged at once:

  • Burnout changed the currency. Years of situationships, ghosting, slow fades, and high-volume app dating taught a generation what intensity without safety actually costs. The spark that used to read as chemistry now reads — to many daters — as a warning sign.
  • People are dating more slowly on purpose. Singles report moving more deliberately than they did a few years ago, thinking harder about where their time and emotions go. When you treat attention as a budget, you spend it on people who don't drain you.
  • The evidence caught up. Nearly half of singles in the same study (49%) said they'd fallen for someone they weren't initially attracted to — and 41% would take a second date even if the first wasn't electric. Daters are learning that the first impression isn't the whole story.

The through-line: people stopped confusing intensity with depth. A relationship that feels like a roller coaster in month one often feels like exhaustion by month six. The new romantic ideal is the relationship that's still steady — and still fun — on an ordinary Tuesday at 10 p.m.

What "emotional safety" actually looks like

"Emotional safety" can sound abstract, but in the study it was strikingly concrete. The qualities that make singles feel emotionally safe with someone were:

  • Feeling respected (61%) — your boundaries, time, and perspective are treated as legitimate.
  • Feeling listened to (56%) — they actually hear you, not just wait for their turn to talk.
  • Being able to share feelings without judgment (54%) — you can say the vulnerable thing and not get punished for it.

Notice what's missing from the list: grand gestures, constant excitement, perfect compatibility. Emotional safety is built in small, repeatable moments — how someone handles your bad news, a minor disagreement, or a plan that falls through. Our guide to healthy communication in relationships breaks these skills down into techniques you can actually practice.

Peace is not boredom: how to tell the difference

The most common objection to the peace-over-passion trend: isn't this just settling? No — and the difference is easy to feel once you know where to look.

  • Direction, not temperature. Boredom drains you and stays flat. Peace energizes you and deepens over time. Ask: after spending time with this person, do I feel steadier or flatter?
  • Presence, not absence. A boring connection has nothing in it — no curiosity, no playfulness, no warmth. A peaceful connection has plenty in it; it just doesn't spike and crash.
  • Safety still includes passion. Emotional safety and passion aren't opposites. Couples with high trust often report better, not worse, passion — because they can be vulnerable with each other. The study's finding isn't "kill the romance." It's "romance lasts longer on solid ground."

If you've been told you're "too picky" for wanting calm, the data is on your side: you're in the plurality, and the preference is strongest among people who've seen enough of both to know the difference.

How to date for peace (practical tips)

Knowing you want calm is one thing; choosing it in real time is another. A few shifts that help:

  • Score consistency, not intensity. After each early date, ask whether they were steady and kind — not whether you felt butterflies. Butterflies are information, not instructions.
  • Give it a second date. With 41% of singles willing to consider a second date even after an unexciting first, you're in good company. Reserve judgment on spark until date two or three; evaluate safety from date one.
  • Say what you want early. "I'm looking for something calm and real" is a filter, not a red flag. The right person will be relieved; the wrong person will self-select out. Our opener generator can help you put it in words.
  • Watch the small repairs. Nobody is perfectly calm. What matters is recovery: do they acknowledge the off moment, or deflect? A partner who repairs quickly is worth more than one who never slips.
  • Check your own patterns. If steady people feel "boring" to you, it may be your nervous system mistaking calm for danger. That's worth knowing — and worth working on, not obeying.

Green flags of a peaceful connection

On early dates, these are the signals the 2026 data points toward:

  • They ask follow-up questions and remember your answers.
  • They're the same person on date three as on date one — no persona drop.
  • They respect a boundary the first time you state it, without negotiating it.
  • Disagreements stay small and repair fast — no sulking, no scorekeeping.
  • You leave dates feeling calm and a little lighter, not wired and replaying everything.

If you're unsure what you're even looking for yet, our free compatibility quiz helps you sort your values and needs before you invest weeks finding out.

The takeaway

Peace over passion isn't the death of romance — it's romance growing up. Singles are saying, in the clearest numbers the study has ever produced, that the best love story is one you can actually live inside: respected, listened to, and safe to be yourself. Date accordingly.